Today I dealt with the issue of being reluctant to continue with treatment. What you say. Why would you think that or even do that. Especially after the last post of joyfulness. Well in reality it is quite simple. I am tired. Today, I am tired of dealing with this. I am tired of the medicine, the costs the worry. Now don't get me wrong I am joyful but lets remember that I am human. Jesus was human and my faith has taught me that he understands our weakness and appreciates it for what it is just a moment of weakness. The important thing is we need to follow in Jesus footsteps. He as the son of God made human experienced everything we do. Now this is not only limited to Jesus but Mary as well. I cannot imagine seeing my son beaten continuously then seeing a crown of thorns placed on his skull, then carry a cross while the crowds spit and called him names. I mean I would be hysterical. Ok I will wholeheartedly admit that what I am going through is NOTHING and I repeat NOTHING that Jesus went through. But I believe based on his experience Jesus can relate to my being tired and not wanting to fight. Ok so I love Broadway musicals I saw a few years ago Jesus Christ Superstar there is the scene and song where Jesus is waiting for Thomas's betrayal and he is praying to God..Jesus sings a beautiful song with the following words: I only want to say If there is a way Take this cup away from me For I don't want to taste its poison Feel it burn me, I have changed I'm not as sure As when we started Then I was inspired Now I'm sad and tired Listen surely I've exceeded Expectations Tried for three years Seems like thirty Could you ask as much From any other man? But if I die See the saga through And do the things you ask of me Let them hate me, hit me, hurt me Nail me to their tree I'd want to know I'd Would I be more noticed Than I ever was before? Would the things I've said and done Matter any more? I'd have to know Lord Why, why should I die? Can you show me now That I would not be killed in vain? Show me just a little Of your omnipresent brain Show me there's a reason For your wanting me to die You're far too keen on where and how But not so hot on why Alright I'll die! Just watch me die! See how, see how I die! Why then am I scared To finish what I started What you started I didn't start it God thy will is hard But you hold every card I will drink your cup of poison Nail me to your cross and break me Bleed me, beat me Kill me, take me now Before I change my mind Now I know that some are going to disagree with me and say that it is impossible for Jesus to have felt this way. Respectfully, I disagree. Jesus was created human for us to save us. Of course he is going to feel exactly what I feel so I am giving myself permission to feel crappy just for a little while.